She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. Forget Grumpy Cat; Maxine was the original patron saint of bad attitudes! He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. The older brother says that he will work on "Damn" and the younger brother agrees to refine his usage of "Ass". When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. You know youre getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors dont notice. What do stars and dentures have in common? "Oh," said Mom, horrified. Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. I uh, I forget the third one. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die? His reply was 96 years old. ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Does it hurt? Apparently, you can't go alone. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. Do you think I'm getting younger?". At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". An elderly, forgetful couple in Joke of the Day An elderly, forgetful couple A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. Have a great birthday! "I got an SUV." The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. Im not old. Now sounds that was many life's ago. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. Poof! 13. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. ?" Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. "What are you doing?" Enjoy! "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. Getting old doesnt have to be sad. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. 16. The grandmother picked up one of the ducks and then set it down on the middle shelf. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, 100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust, Its Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 35 That Might Crack You Up, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. ", An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home.After dinner, the two women go into the kitchen and the two men remain at the table catching up. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair. A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, Well, then you wont need to vacuum either. Agnes Scharenbroch. WebBest Old Age Joke. ", Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. Bob suggests they go in. 1. "I had been thinking about coloring my hair. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Instead, my mother had written, "128 lbs.". Every few minutes, she lets out with a little- "Ooooh!" "Maybe this will help," he said. "What's more than usual?" Thank you! Then he began to gather her information. And if there's one thing seniors have in abundance is a good sense of humor. "Yes, the works." Sort By New 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. Supper? Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. I like having conversations with kids. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. I make more then $12,000 a month online. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. Im a recycled teenager. "Whats more than usual?" 20. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I haven't eaten all day. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Im baldwell, balding. The cashier shot back at me, "why?! 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For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. ", "In the hardware store, a clerk asked, "Can I help you find anything?" 2. How old are you? a tenant asked. Sometime later, when the examination was After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. Where are my keys?". They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! Glass?". While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. Never seen the point of lying about your age. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. ", He could call her by any other name and she would still smell as sweet, "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. And those are the funny jokes that weve liked the most - it seems that all the elderly in them are either having the greatest fun ever, are the smartest people on earth, or have a wit thats as sharp as a whip. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? The man said, Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse? The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. Your account is not active. Glass?" WebWhile walking down the memory lane, we may discover in the remains of our early days, surprising little details that have been eclipsed under the mantle of forgetfulness or Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. "How'd you do it?" As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. Ive always been a disappointment. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump. "They adopted? Hes like a machine! The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). "Of course." When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Except, of course, laugh! There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, AITA? "That was a nice shot," I commented. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. 24. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Young Lad: Married!! The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. Honey, she said, today is senior day. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. WebFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Isnt that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds? Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own." I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. he said "Now take off your arm.". Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. An old woman saved a fairys life. You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. Said he sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Read the funniest jokes about getting old. 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